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Today was Easter Sunday. I gave a short speech at Meadow Spring Community Church in Shakopee, MN. It went extremely well. Not only did Pastor John show the WCCO news clip Darcy Pohland put together, but he incorporated me into the service. Today was week #4 on a series involving dealing with Hard Times. Difficulties. Struggle. Asversity. Despite being a little nervous, it went great. I spoke in the 8:30am servive and then again at the 10am service. Again, it was totally awesome.
I've heard that the best way to show God's Grace is through a personal story or testimony. Right on! Pastor John really set up a fantastic service using my 4 1/2 minute news segment along with about a 10 minute speech. I was obviously overwhelmed, but when we showed up, the atmosphere was so welcoming and everyone there was great. This is only the beginning, and I know it can only get better from here on out. I truly appreciate everyone who has supported me over the years, and I can't even begin to describe how much that means to me.
Pastor John spoke about how using a trial or difficulty for the benefit of your life. Yes, at first, I really thought my future was gone. But as I found out, over the years, that there was so much possibility I could take from my near-death experience. And I could actually HELP someone else who may be enduring something hard. What an inspiring purpose!!! I love. Thanks to John Laeger and Meadow Springs for this awesome Easter Sunday. And thanks to my beautiful fiancee and very supportive parent's for being there today. I am so extremely blessed to have so many amazing people in my life.
23 is forever and ever! Let it be known...
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Posted by Nicholas Dennen at
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Hi, my name is Nick Dennen. I am almost a ten-year “survivor” of my receiving a traumatic brain injury. I was hurt September 27th, 1998. First, I’d like to show you a 4 ½ minute video that was aired on WCCO news, October 23rd, 2007. And because of these amazing few moments presented by Darcy Pohland, I was introduced to Russ Philstrom, who you just heard talk about his experience; Russ saw me on the news and contacted me almost immediately. It is amazing what getting a head injury has actually done for me. Check this out.
Play WCCO News segment – (4.5 minutes)
Amazing, huh? Claudia Osborne, author of Over My Head: A Doctor’s own Story of Head Injury from the Inside Looking Out, defines our type of injury like this,
“A TBI is damage to the brain that is not degenerative or congenital in origin but was caused by external force. TBIs commonly occur in vehicle accidents, falls, assaults, and sports injuries. When there is rapid acceleration and deceleration of a head, as can occur with a sudden impact to it during an auto accident, the brain is bounced back and forth against the inside of the skull causing bruising and later swelling. Nerve fibers can be stretched and torn diffusely throughout the brain causing physical, cognitive, and behavioral impairments.”
Like I said I was hurt in September of ‘98. We played our football game on Saturday the 26th, which at the time I was a UMD Bulldogs, as you heard Darcy mention. I took a 35-foot fall into a creek with a near-drowning. I think we can add “oxygen deprivation” to the TBI definition I just said.
The experts always talk about the deficits having a traumatic brain injury will cause and I don’t dispute any of them. There are far too many. After being in a coma for nearly 2 months, I had to relearn how to walk, how to talk, how to write, how to do EVERYTHING all over again. I compare it to reliving the stages of life. I essentially was a baby again, a toddler again, an adolescent again, and so forth. So, I went from wearing diapers and crawling around to being fed and cared for, to slowly, but surely, reclaiming my life, one tiny baby-step at a time.
And I can tell you that this transformation did NOT happen over night. It took years, not months, but years. It is ongoing. After that fall into Chester Creek that you saw in the news clip, I realize that I should NOT have survived. What a miracle. I had a 2-year rehabilitation, and I can honestly tell you that returning to LIFE, still continues, even to this day. That’s just LIFE.
Going back to school was a crucial part in my recovery. I remember when I was being evaluated at Sister Kenny, my psychologist suggested that school wasn’t a good idea, that my weaknesses were far too great and that I’d be better off just finding a job I could be happy with. To “settle” for what I was capable of now. That was disappointing; however, after talking with my parents, we figured that since I was so adamant in going back to school, I needed to, at least, give it a try. I started by taking a couple easy classes at Normandale Community College in Bloomington just to “get my feet wet.” And, at that point, I still lacked a lot of confidence.
I remember that, it was 16 months after I escaped death. I had wanted to enroll at the University of Minnesota instead of Normandale, and live with a high school friend. I wasn’t ready, but saw how much fun he was having, and I guess only saw it from a “social” standpoint. I was naïve, and had this “idea” that really didn’t fit into my life’s purpose. After my parents and I made a visit to the U, and after feeling extremely overwhelmed at the size of the campus, I knew it would have been an automatic failure. So, to Normandale I went.
Then, in the fall, I enrolled in classes at St. Thomas, and despite still being somewhat insecure, I began to meet some pretty amazing people. I switched majors, changing from Business to Communication Studies. I had wanted to just finish my Business degree, but after taking two years off, my Accounting course did not transfer. So, I was retaking the class, and decided to switch majors after I found myself really struggling to understand the material; it seemed that my brain injury was getting the best of me.
It wasn’t until I began taking courses in my new major and learning about faith that I started to see the purpose behind my getting a TBI. It was for a reason. The funny thing about my new major was that I simply looked for the one with the least number of required courses. Communication Studies was it. Little did I know I would meet some pretty influential professors who taught me how to write well and the value of relationships.
Going back to school was definitely a critical phase of my coming back. Learning about faith and Christian Morality was something that had been absent from my life, and one of the many benefits my head injury has produced. I think my experience with a brain injury can best be summed up in 2 Corinthians 12:9 from the Bible that says, “And He said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Perfection; weaknesses turned into strengths, but not until I accepted my life, and let go of my fear.
Fear, to me, really was FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL. F.E.A.R. I was giving into the idea that because of my head injury, I wasn’t capable anymore to achieve my dreams. I wasn’t capable anymore to succeed. I feared how my future would turn out. I saw my TBI as “who I was” and that everything I wanted in life was no longer available. I will never forget the moment my Father said to me, “NEVER let FEAR make your decision.”
I saw everything in a negative way, even before I tried. I automatically thought I would fail, simply because that was what my brain injury was saying. At the time, I was struggling with the anxiety of going back to school, of being myself. I feared that others would label me by my disability. That was how I defined Nick. I think early on it was because I had been so “sheltered” for so long, and didn’t truly know if I could actually “do it.” It was the whole, “fear of the unknown” thing, right? Like with work, or with school.
I always feared how other people would SEE me; if they saw what I saw. I saw weakness, I saw failed attempts, I saw someone who was lost. I’ve come to realize that a lot of people are very compassionate, are honestly “good” people. Forget about the others, who don’t know what it’s like to be an overcomer.
My Christian Morality professor, Bill McDonough, taught me about self-fulfilling prophesy. He defines it as, “a view of the future we get into our heads and then almost cause it to happen by the attitude we have toward it. It describes someone almost talking themselves into an outcome almost happening in their lives.” I was my own worst-enemy. I didn’t see all the possibility.
Today at 4:15pm, you’ll have the chance to hear Trisha Meili, The Central Park Jogger, talk about her experience with surviving a TBI. In her book, she talks about being reborn again after enduring so much and surrendering herself to the possibilities that were in front of her. My favorite quote of hers, and believe me, there are many, is this, “As fire turns sand to glass, so the attack forged a new me.” I get chills just thinking about her journey.
Then, after reading a book called the Beethoven Factor by Dr. Paul Pearsall, I saw that I could actually “thrive” from enduring the pains and struggles after my head injury, just like Trisha. Pearsall said that we “thrive when suffering leads to meaning.” And what hit home for me the most from his book was when he said, “No matter how personally we feel the sting of adversity in our lives, crises happen to systems, not individuals. As hurt as we feel, we never hurt alone.”
I felt my TBI “only” affected me. I wasn’t seeing how it affected my family, my friends. Reflecting back to when I was going to Sister Kenny, I often forget the times I required so much help. When I could barely stand, I couldn’t shower alone because my balance was gone; my Dad had to practically shower with me to make sure I didn’t fall and hit my head.
And when I started to talk, my speech was slurred and hard to understand. My physical ability came faster than my cognitive, so I was able to work while I was going to rehab. I was phoning in credit applications working at a used car sale at my father’s dealership, and some ignorant salesman asked me “why I talked funny.” As if it wasn’t bad enough feeling insecure on my own, I didn’t need some jerk pointing out the obvious.
Trisha’s book guided me to see the value behind all the “positive” personal relationships I was developing because I was hurt as bad as I was. My family really took a stand to bring me back. And I can’t imagine my life without everyone I have had the privilege to have met solely for being hurt that bad. In all honesty, what I realize now is that my TBI was just the “story” I told myself when I was feeling sorry for myself and making excuses.
It DOES NOT define who I am, and it certainly DOES NOT own me. I think what is important to say is that despite “expert opinions” to how my life was going to end up, it wasn’t the truth. It wasn’t even close to the truth. Ya see, I believed I was meant for something greater than this. When my Dad first saw me in the ICU at St. Luke’s Hospital in Duluth, he knew there was only one person who could save me. He looked up and asked God to save his son, saying he would accept whatever He decided. At that moment, he felt a calmness go across his body, and he knew I’d be OK.
I’ve often thought about my life and who I’d be without this experience, and after learning so much from it, that without it, I wouldn’t be ME. I think about the things I wouldn’t have had it not happened. I wouldn’t have a new perspective on life. I wouldn’t have met everyone at Sister Kenny, everyone at St. Thomas, and everyone at Methodist Hospital. I wouldn’t have met my fiancée, and at our wedding this August, my Christian Morality professor from St. Thomas is leading part of our ceremony. I’ve known him since 2001.
Had it NOT happened, I would not be here today; I wouldn’t have a passion to share a message of hope, courage, and possibility. I wouldn’t be able to tell YOU that “anything is possible if you believe.” Had it not happened it wouldn’t be fair of me to tell you anything that I am saying right now.
Thank you so very much for listening to me share my experience. I hope you all have been able to see where I’ve been, what I did to overcome, and where I am going. My favorite motto and the message I tell everyone I encounter who may be struggling with anything difficult is to always…Keep Moving Forward! Keep. Moving. Forward. Thank You. 1
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Posted by Nicholas Dennen at
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I have really been bad at writing BLOGS. The last one was months ago, and I think I even thought at that time I would try and write more often. Not the case. However, I do believe that things are starting to come together, moreso than they already have.
Darcy Pohland, WCCO, is working on a segment/piece that will air sometime towards the end of October, or maybe early November. She interviewed me, my parents, and came to work with me and followed me around the unit. It was OK, althought only having (1) patient kind of limited my ability to impact the unit. Darcy and Dave (cameraman) left, and we got a surge of people. I think we were full, 10 patient's, by the time I left. Whatever, it will still be a good news piece. I cannot wait.
It will be posted on the website when I get the word. And, it can be seen on the WCCO webpage, too. That is awesome. Hopefully I'll be able to add the link to my website.
OK, i will try and write on here weekly, so Nick, get off your butt and keep writing. I've heard that the only way to improve your writing is to keep writing, strengthening your skills, and refining your words.
Thanks for listening. And any ideas or suggestions are welcomed.
Sincerely, Nick |
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Posted by Nicholas Dennen at
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Have you seen the movie, The Number 23, yet? It's with Jim Carey, and has a very interesting story unfold. Especially for me. My book is titled, 23: Time to Choose. 23. For those of you who have perused my website or read my book or blog, know how meaningful it is to me. A past blog highlights the time of my accident rescue as being 2:30am, Sunday morning. 23. And that being included with all the other references, well, that is pretty symbolic. At least I think so.
Consider this, I saw my past high school transcripts tonight, after a nosey girlfriend started to look through a file cabinet in my parent's computer room. Ok, I take it back, my sweetheart is not nosey, just a little curious. And actually, she commented on her discoveries from the drawer. But that is neither her nor there, this is about how my ACT score was none other than 23 which, if you have seen the movie, totally consumes Jim Carey. It is fascinating.
I don't think my perceptions about that number, the number 23, will ever do to me what the number does to Jim Carey. Nevertheless, there were many similar experiences. Like how I usually find myself seeing that number present itself to me, over and over. I haven't yet begun a discovery of specific so called coincidences of how meaningful that number is to my life, at least not in the sense Jim Carey does. But it was very cool how he found meaning to so many other parts of his life.
I have, however, seen times where I have applied meaning to the number 32 as 23 reversed. I don't think it is crazy at all, just what the number means to my life. It is for a reason. And God has given me a purpose to follow. A story to share. People to touch. And a message to give. And I can't be thankful enough to so many people who have been so supportive in my cause, and for that, I am forever BLESSED. Thank you.
23 forever will unfold in my life.
Sincerely, Nick
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Posted by Nicholas Dennen at
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There are so many possibilities available out there. Anything is possible if you believe, and that is so true. I have been walking this path, marketing 23, and it is all just so enjoyable. I love everything that goes with it. Finding new areas to focus on, new people to contact, new strategies to follow, everything and anything is presenting itself. It is so amazing.
Having met with certain people, and received what they had offered, has truly strengthened who I am. I met with a family recently, Greg, Laurie, Megs and Dan, and besides feeling connected, it was an evening of sharing and discovering what life is all about: personal relationships. Yes, probably my main realization in 23, the value of personal relationships with other people...with everyone.
What Greg and family gave me was not only friendship, but family, and community, and courage to face life head on, and without fear. The courage they represent is defining, and I am thankful for Laurie's initial email to me after seeing an AlumnNote in my St. Thomas magazine. I cannot wait to see what life has to bring into my life.
Again, my supporters are very appreciated and I can't imagine not having these people in my life. I couldn't imagine my life going any other way. What a gift.
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Posted by Nicholas Dennen at
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Last night was my first "book event" and my first time on the radio. And without a somewhat nervous beginning, I think I slowly came into my own. It's one thing to write you thoughts, and a completely different thing to speak them effectively. Nevertheless, I think it was a good show.
Brad Walton was a very personable guy as we furthered the show. My friend, Sean, came with me since he was familiar with downtown, more so than me. After arriving to the WCCO location, I realized that I would have absolutely gotten myself lost. But my driving skills are beside the point here and NOT what this was all about. Sean was able to offer his perspective too last night and how he saw the Nickman (me) now after my TBI how my life has evolved.
From Brad's book, How Does the Heart Know Love?, I recognized that my heart, my love for the world, is how I will define my life. My personal relationships will always be the most important part of my journey. As I was talking with Sean before the show, we both realized that the awareness, the "gifts" everyone else who we cross paths with, shape and mold our futures. These "personal relationships" are the foundation behind living a successful life.
I am extremely happy at how the show went last night, and I was glad to hear Sean's perceptions at how he viewed this experience as a number of "defining moments" in my life. What it has given me is nothing less than extraordinary!
Thanks for all the heart, Brad, and for the opportunity. This was awesome!
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Posted by Nicholas Dennen at
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I was just reflecting on that number, 23. First off, which I totally forgot to add in the book, which I think I might be able to add for the next printing, was the time my experience began. In the court documents, it says, and this is no coincidence,
At approximately 2:30 am, Officer Matthew 7:15, who was on routine patrol, saw Dennen walking north on 13th Avenue East, about 3 blocks from the party location. Matthew 7:15 was heading in the opposite direction on the same street at the time. Citus, a police dog, accompanied Matthew 7:15 in the patrol car.
I am totally kicking myself for missing that. I had the documents, I had looked at this, and I missed that. I feel like an idiot. I guess knowing I will be able to include it the next time I print, and I am including it here, and on my website, should be enough.
Had I been more focused on the document, I may have recognized that. Seriously, the number is defining, it has to be mine. At 2:30 in the morning, stated exactly. Not 2:15am, not 2:45am, not 2:00am, 2:30am. 23. Here again, I am flooded with everything that should have happened, that never did, and all the gifts I was given from what seemed to be just an unfortunate accident.
And, as I reconnected over the phone with my good friend, Jon, who was with me the night I was hurt, guess how many minutes we spoke for. Well, we had been talking and discussing our lives before he was about to watch the White Bear Lake hockey game, we spoke at length, I thought it would be at least half an hour, and upon hanging up, I glanced at the minute count of our interaction, and to my surprise, it said 23 minutes and 11 seconds. 23 again.
Signs are everywhere, we just need to forget about being stubborn and look with soft eyes, with a sense of acceptance that we are exactly where we need to be and are doing exactly what we need to be doing. God's will for my life is being shown to me in so many ways, and the number 23, despite its coincidental occurrence in m life, is probably the strongest reassurance that this is my purpose, my legacy. There are no COINCIDENCES! Never forget that.
The Lord didn't promise that life would be easy, but He did promise to go with me every step of the way. I am so thankful for everyone who has supported my book, and this is only the beginning. This is such a meaningful, genuine, and heartwarming experience and I am so happy to be able to share it with others. And what a time to be thankful, shortly after Thanksgiving, and right before Christmas. What a gift. npd
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Posted by Nicholas Dennen at
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This is what I learned at my Basic Life Support (BLS) course at the hospital today...5 out of every 100 people who suffer from cardiac arrest survive. Yes, a mere 5% live to tell about it. I heard Carol, my coworker and instructor, say this tonight and then look straight at me and say something about how extremely "close" I came. I just can't imagine CPR having to be done on me back in 1998, and how my life was almost taken. How I had to be pulled from the dirty creek, which is where my meeting with God was under way. I wish I would have heard that statistic before I finished the book, since I think that would have made a big impact. However, I think it is still OK.
And, working at Methodist has been such a life-strengthening, character-building, meaningful part of my journey. I wouldn't have so many things had I not got into healthcare. My sweetheart, Tina, I would not have met. She has given me the courage to become the person I am. And I know, if I hadn't started my life there, I wouldn't have become so extroverted, where the SHY Nick from the past is nowhere to be seen. The people I work with have taught me so much about myself. My book would not have such an awesome cover, had I not met John, an RN and a photographer, had we not become friends and gotten to know one another. I just can't imagine not having those people in my life, which would never have been had I not gone through that initial near death experience, that lengthy rehabilitation, or my search for something more.
And if I want to go even deeper, if I hadn't gone through everything, I wouldn't have gone to St. Thomas. I would not have met all of my amazing professors, some of whom I mention in the book. I can't imagine my life without them. The same goes to those I met at Sister Kenny. There again, many of whom I can't see absent from my life. The universe is unfolding as it should. There is no doubt about that. And then seeing Dave Pelzer on Oprah, toying with the idea of writing a personal narrative after hearing his life struggle with adversity and overcoming it. And then, after my writing a substantial amount, I saw Kian, author of Living Your Chosen Eulogy, at a Borders book event. if I hadn't walked into Borders that day, I wouldn't have met Beaver's Pond Press, particularly Milt, Judith, and Kellie.
Yes, there are so many people I would not have met had I not faced death, and then reclaimed my life. This much I know, and I am so thankful to God for giving me such a purpose to follow while defining such a faith. Life is and will always be about personal relationships. Love thy neighbor as thy self. Everyone in my life has shaped and molded who I am. I love all of you...Forever...23.
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Posted by Nicholas Dennen at
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Posted by Nicholas Dennen at
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Well, the website is up... and running. YES. It is about time, Nick. I had purchased my GoDaddy.com domain and site this past summer, like June I think. Why so long ago and it is now just being complete? To be honest, I had just been lazy and somewhat unsure of how long I should wait before the book was complete. And now, the book is at the printer and I should have a complete copy in hand in the next week or so and then I can have my copies printed. As I have said, this is just the beginning. Who knows what is going to happen once 23: Time to Choose is available for others. I cannot wait.
I believe Yoda said it best, "Try Not. Do. Or do not. There is no try. That is what it will come down to, either simply hoping it will automatically bring itself to others, or will I DO all that is possible to get it out there. Bottom line: Just Do It. have faith that I am exactly where I need to be and Go Forward without looking back. No doubt, this is part of my purpose, and part of my journey to inspire others. Farewell, and see you on the circuit!
npd
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Posted by Nicholas Dennen at
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